The past year+ of my life has been a rollercoaster ride…I’ve been angry, sad, anxious, crazy and happy…but most of all what I’ve been is on my knees in front of my God.
I know most of you know Nate’s story, but here’s a quick recap:
I met Nate shortly after I graduated from college and fell hard - I had never met anyone so kind, smart and good-looking! After a couple of years he proposed, and we had a perfect wedding. We were set straight on the road to a fabulous, “normal” life together.
A couple of months in while I was busy redecorating his “man cave” and we were enjoying wedded bliss, he started having neck pain. When the pain worsened, our family doctor treated him for tension headaches. Then vision problems started, and he ended up having an MRI on May 7, 2010 - our six-month wedding anniversary. The tech, who looked like she had seen a ghost, sent us to the opthalmologist who ordered the scan. He broke the devastating news that Nate had a large brain tumor. Nate had surgery at our local hospital and after a short recovery we traveled to M.D. Anderson in Houston, TX, for a second opinion. We met Dr. Jeffrey Weinberg, who told us that while Nate’s tumor was benign, it was way too big - he needed another surgery very soon. We came home to talk and pray about it, but knew Dr. Weinberg was right. The vision problems and neck pain had already returned.
On June 29, 2010, Nate had a 17-hour surgery in the BrainSuite at M.D. Anderson. In the wee hours of the next morning, Dr. Weinberg told us surgery went well and that Nate was in ICU waking up. Our family came in and kissed him goodnight and went back to their hotel. While the nurses and I were trying to gently coax him awake, he suddenly stiffened and gripped my hand so tight I thought it was going to break. I had to pry it off so I could get out of the way of the nurses and doctors who were in overdrive trying to save his life. Unexpected complications had caused his brain to bleed. The next days were a blur - he was in and out of the OR and his life was hanging in the balance. Eventually, Dr. Weinberg put Nate in a medical coma to protect his brain from further damage. I can’t remember how long he was in a coma, but it seemed like forever. When Nate finally woke up he couldn’t move or speak. The only thing getting me through those days was knowing that we had Dr. Weinberg - who we trusted with his life, our faith in God, and our family.
Weeks later, when Nate started moving, we saw that his right side was paralyzed, and he was diagnosed with severe speech and language disorders.
After a total of seven brain surgeries, recovery at M.D. Anderson, a stint at a rehab hospital, and finally outpatient rehab at home, Nate has come so far. He’s walking, learning to use his right side, working on his memory, and learning to communicate.
In the past several months, I’ve been having a conversation with God (several actually, but I’ll just tell you about one for now). God keeps telling me, you need to share what you’ve learned. I’ve grown so much closer to my Savior and to the body of Christ (the church and other Christians) throughout this whole journey. So I ask God - what do you want me to do? How do I share my story? Do you want me to give my testimony? Write a book? Talk to individuals? So I’ve just been praying for God to show me how. Giving my testimony at church was my first thought, but it just didn’t feel quite right. A book? No way…there’s no way I could ever organize my thoughts enough right now to write a book. But a blog…now that’s something I can do. “But God - people will think I’m trying to preach or be a “Bible expert.” And I’m definitely no expert! There are so many people who are so much more well qualified to use your Word! I’m sure I’ll mess it up.” But God keeps working on me, and I’m reminded of the story of Jonah. God told him to go to Nineveh, but Jonah went in the opposite direction. I’m sure most of you know the story of Jonah, but while he was on the run, God sent a huge storm to the boat he was on. Eventually, Jonah was tossed into the ocean and swallowed by a great whale. Can’t you hear Jonah’s conversation with the Lord? We all ask God to use us to further his kingdom, but often, when he says, “OK, go!” We have excuses. And I mean we can come up with really good excuses!
Fortunately, Jonah prayed and asked God to deliver him, and God gave him a second chance. “Get up and go to the great city of Nineveh, and deliver the message of judgment I have given you.” Jonah knew better than to run this time!
So, God used this story and several others to show me: it doesn’t matter if I don’t feel qualified. In fact, I am most certainly not qualified. But I feel like God is leading me to share with others what I’ve learned through this process. I’m really excited and praying I don’t mess up! I’m praying you hear God’s voice through this blog, not mine. I know that if I stick to God’s Word, and only share what I know God is leading me to share, that I’ll get it right. Even if only one or two people read my blog, that’s OK. Maybe God will show me another path one day, but for now this is where He is leading me.
I’m really excited about next week’s post. It’s one that’s been rolling around in my head for a while now! They won’t all be this long, this is just my introduction. Please comment, and I want this to be very interactive. Share with your friends, be a guest blogger, whatever! I’ll continue to grow this with links to other web pages and photos of Nate and I throughout this journey.
Love in Him,
Genie Alice
